Dating with confidence: a guide for introverted men

Dating can be intimidating even for the best of us. And given the sometimes misinterpreted personalities of the introverted male, it can be a bit more challenging. But whether you're an introvert new to the dating game, or a semi-seasoned vet hoping to amp up your dating skills, these are my top tips for success.

Dating with confidence: a guide for introverted men

1. You’re an Introvert, Own it.

It’s nothing to be ashamed of and personalities can ebb and flow over time. You don’t need to try and be someone else’s extroverted shadow, or twin. Equally, not all introverts are the same and you can help dispel the myths that introverts lack in confidence, by being confident within your own skin. Ultimately, owning your emotions and personality can be an attractive quality.

2. Dress the part:

Clothes can speak volumes for you and there are so many ways to make an impression with the items we wear. Ultimately, wear something you feel good in. This could be in the form of an outfit designed to deliberately turn heads, or an outfit that is far more modest but allows you to move freely. Be smart about your clothing choices too - i.e., if you’re heading to a pasta restaurant, don’t wear white!

3. Avoid putting too much pressure on your date being ‘the one’:

Remember, it’s dating. You might not find ‘the one’ straight away. Be realistic about this. You might go on many dates or a scant few. Dating isn’t a numbers game, but a chance to see what - or who - works and whether something feels right for you.

4. Handle Rejection With Grace and Diplomacy

In today’s distracted world where everything is at our fingertips, and things are easy to discard, you might be ghosted. Or find that the relationship isn’t a fit for the other person. You might not get some long, drawn-out explanation about it either.

Try not to take it personally - no matter how hard this is. Acknowledge if you hurt, but remind yourself that it’s not meant to be. On the flip side, if YOU are the one doing the rejecting, be respectful and honest. Again, it doesn’t need to be long winded, but maturity can go a long way.

5. Be Yourself:

As Oscar Wilde put it, ‘everyone else is taken’. Being yourself isn’t just about owning your introversion, it’s also about knowing what you like/dislike and being true to that. You’re not a carbon copy of the loudest lad on Love Island. Learn to appreciate your quirks and even the things you don’t like about yourself.

6. Decide on a meeting spot that also works to your ideal.

Yes, a close proximity to where you live might play a part, but do you like busy places? Or would you prefer somewhere quieter. Some introverts might opt for somewhere with a bit of hustle and bustle, as it distracts from any nerves or can provide conversation points. Alternatively, there are those that might want a calmer, more intimate setting which allows for some undisturbed, meaningful chat.

7. Personal Grooming:

I’m not talking full manscape here, but taking some extra care in your appearance doesn’t hurt. It also doesn’t make you vain. Turning up with bad breath and reeking of body odour shows a distinct lack of respect for your partner and your own personal hygiene. Whilst appearance isn’t everything, the non-verbal cues your body gives off say more to other people than you think

8. Put your phone / distractions away

Yes it’s easy to grab or reach for your phone - especially when nervous - but you’ve got another human being in front of you. You’ve both mutually agreed to set aside your time for one another - AND TIME IS PRECIOUS! Dating is your chance to get to know each other on a personal level.

9. Take care of your body and mind:

Adopt healthy habits. Invest in yourself - your body and mind are your wealth. Whether this is engaging in therapy, exercise, meditating, praying or daily journaling.

10. Set boundaries and stick to them:

It’s important to establish boundaries from the get go. Often, these can be pushed aside during the dating phase, as feelings of lust or excitement take over. Piss on your own boundaries early on, you’ll have drown them by the time you’ve invested more into it.

It might not seem that important, but sacrificing your boundaries early on is also a sign that you struggle to respect or honour your own needs. Everyone has them. Sticking to boundaries isn’t about saying “It’s my way or the highway” but about placing value on your own limits of comfortability and your own expectations.

11. Check in with yourself regularly - is dating right for you right now?:

Are you dating because you want to, or because you feel you need to? Is it to please someone else? Or to silence the sounds of those around you asking why you've been single so long? You might go through the motions of being date-ready one minute, to wanting to avoid it the next.

If dating isn’t right for you, stop. Yes, this may seem counterintuitive to building confidence through dating, but dating when you’re not ready can be damaging. It’s the same as being in a relationship when you haven’t worked on the relationship with yourself.

You can find yourself emotionally drained/depleted, saying or doing the wrong things or find yourself partaking in self-saboteur behaviour. If you’re not mentally or emotionally ready for dating, that’s okay. Don’t force it. Remember, it’s not just your own time you’d be wasting.

12. Know what kind of connection you want:

Guys, is it sex you’re after, or the possibility of a relationship somewhere down the line? Some people don’t know - they date and they see. Or advise they’re “keeping it casual”. This can work for some people, but not for others. If you don’t know what you want, don’t be unsurprised to get what you get (which could be anything!).

If you want to build on something, you need to put in the work, but you also need to be upfront about that not only with yourself, but the other person. You could want two completely different things, so establish what you want and channel your energy into that. Build confidence through self-reflection and honesty.

13. Date yourself:

I know - sounds weird, right? But seriously, try it. Take yourself out. Go to the cinema, head to a decent restaurant or venture to a museum. Dating yourself is essentially allowing yourself to know who you are on a better level. It’s easy over time to lose the will to do things for YOU or to engage in what you enjoy.

Life takes over, but that doesn’t mean losing who you are along the way. If you can’t spend time with yourself, in your own company…well, are you even an introvert??

No, but seriously, look at and assess your own life - the ups, the downs, the in-betweens - and question, honestly, whether you would date yourself. If you wouldn’t, why would you expect anyone else to?

Final note:

In conclusion, work within and as corny as it sounds - and we all know it does - learn to be comfortable in your own skin. That is often harder than it appears to be if you've spent a life developing habits which say otherwise. Harder yes, impossible no. Start small if you're struggling with confidence issues or new to the game. You don't have to go in blazing like a pissed off bull in a china shop, but equally you don't need to hide yourself away. Happy dating my fellow introverted gents!